the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We left an ass print on the piano.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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