I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
