Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
