I puked a lego.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
