I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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