I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
