so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
