Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
