Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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