of course. lets lasso hookers.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
