Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
