I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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