Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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