Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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