If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
