I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
