we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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