please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
