They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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