i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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