so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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