We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
3 2 1 whiskey
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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