loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
