Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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