Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
