If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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