Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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