The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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