is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
