Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
