I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
