That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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