i don't like sucking hair
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
