I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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