So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he's gonorrhea incarnate
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
