I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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