"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Randomize
