im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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