Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
