I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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