Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You can't special order awesome
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
