he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize