yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
