my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
