rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
