his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize