I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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