Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
