OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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