this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
