I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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