I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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