I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
