if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
