I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
