She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
