he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
