His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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