I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
