I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
