Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I need water and some morals
Randomize
