just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
