we have pet lesbian snakes
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
