ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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