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so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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