Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
True but thats because hes a fetus.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
