I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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