I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
