ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
