i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
