Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
