we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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