Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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