So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
her facebook's as public as her vagina
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
