Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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