drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
