I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
