And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
