I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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