problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize