he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Less talking, more tequila
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
