Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
