so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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