hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
