we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
