made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
