I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
