as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
