What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
