There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
