I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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