Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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