i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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