So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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