i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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