I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize