Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
