Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
