Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The ass gains better be worth it
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