Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
