there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
